I was reminded earlier today about how culture and cultural differences can be tricky waters to navigate. We all come with certain assumptions about the world which have been instilled deep within us by our culture, our parents, our religion, and our environment. But when cultures clash, life can get messy.  Each culture’s values are oriented in different ways. Asian culture traditionally has value orientations which are completely opposite from western culture regarding time, right & wrong, crisis management, relationships, etc… Today I want to give a brief, real-life example that I experienced when living in Vietnam concerning the issue of looking at life with a black or white, right or wrong mindset.

One day as I was talking with my friend, I asked her,”What are you doing this weekend?”

“I’m taking an English test.”

“Oh, really. I didn’t know you had a test this weekend. What’s it about?”

“It’s an English certificate test.”

“But you already have that, don’t you?”

“Well, actually, it’s not my test. It’s my cousin’s test.”

“What?”

“Yeah, my cousin doesn’t speak English very well so she asked me to take her test for her.”

“Wait. You are taking a test for your cousin?”

“Yes, she needs to get her English certificate so she can get the job she applied for, but her English isn’t good enough, so I’m going to take it for her.”

My first reaction was this: This is wrong. How can this be allowed? You can’t take a test for someone else. That’s lying. That’s cheating. How could you agree to do this?

The typical western mind categorizes events into two parts: right and wrong. It tends to view life through a dichotomistic lens that clearly delineates what one should or should not do.  On the other hand, a traditional Asian mindset is much more holistic in its approach, taking into account the nuances of a given situation.  It’s not necessarily about right or wrong, but about doing the greater good, understanding one’s obligations and doing what is necessary to fulfill and help others as much as possible. (And about keeping the peace!)

In my mind, what this person was planning on doing was wrong. But in her mind, it was plainly and clearly the right thing to do. Why? Her thinking would be along these lines: my cousin is family; she needs a job; I have the means of helping her get a job; by my doing this, it will not only help her, it will help her family and my family; no discussion is needed; it is the only logical thing that can be done.

When you are in a cultural situation in which you don’t understand, try to stand back from the crowd and look at it more objectively from the other person’s point of view. You don’t have to agree with them, but a simple acknowledgment of other ways of looking at issues is the first step in having true cross-cultural understanding.