A wise man once told me, as I was about to head off overseas for the first, “Don’t ask ‘why’ ask ‘how’.”

I’ve never forgotten this good advice. If you really want to learn a language, or if you are living in a new culture and really want to fit in, questioning the legitimacy of how they do certain things will not only cause you grief, it will further keep you from being on the inside of the new culture.

If you want to learn, observe and listen how it is done and do it. That is the only way the communication gap will be filled.

Why is this the case?

When you ask ‘why’ in language or culture learning, you are comparing it to what you know. But each language and culture is unique and should not be meant for comparisons. Questioning ‘why’ also sets you up for ridiculing the culture and language you are trying to learn because, I’m pretty sure, you won’t like the answer to ‘why’ anyways.

“Why do they say things like that?” “Why is it written like that?” “That doesn’t make any sense. Why would they do it that way? Isn’t that stupid?”

All of these questions are simply just comparing what you know with what you can’t accept.

That’s why the best question to ask is ‘how’!

Once you learn how they do it in this second culture, you are on your way to getting further into the inside. Asking ‘how’ is the way to insure that you are being a learner and not someone who is comparing.

It’s nature to feel some ethnocentricism in language learning because we know and love where we came from, the way we speak, and how we do things. But the members of this second culture we are trying to enter will obviously think likewise about their culture.

Questioning builds up walls. Doing and mimicking shows empathy and the attitude of a learner.

I used to question why the ‘r’, ‘d’, and ‘gi’ in the northern Vietnamese dialect all sound like a ‘z’ in English. But I finally realized that it just doesn’t matter. It is what it is. Just do it.

And once you do you’ll be on your way to learning a new language and culture.

Remember, don’t ask ‘why’, ask ‘how’.