I saw an ad for writers. It said something like this: “For $89, you can get a critique of the first 500 words of your novel by Miss So and So Smarty-Pants Literary Agent. She’ll help you avoid the 20 mistakes you must avoid at all cost if you ever want to get published.”
I’m sorry. You are not getting my $89.
I’m sorry, but I really don’t care what you think. I care about what readers think.
I’m sorry. I don’t really have anything against literary agents. If you are one, good for you. I’m sure you are a nice person, it just never seems that way when our paths have crossed.
This is how literary agents sound to me, even when trying to be nice:
- Why did you send me this piece of crap?
- Yes, I asked for queries, but why did you send me this?
- This email you sent is taking up a lot of my precious time.
- Why would I want to find a good book by a new author?
- I don’t care about anything except selling books.
- I’m too busy and important to talk to writers.
Again, maybe it’s just me. I’m sure there are a lot of great literary agents out there, they just haven’t found me yet.
But I have found a lot of great readers out there who have said some very nice things about my writing. I am very humbled and grateful. I first write for myself. Second, I write for you, readers.
Sorry, literary agent, you didn’t make my list.