It seems that the Ayatollah of Iran and the King of Saudi Arabia has chosen an obscure town in Western Pennsylvania as the site of a proxy war between the two regimes.
Hamas, PA – south of Tidioutte on the banks of the Allegheny River, might seem like an unlikely location for the two Middle Eastern nations to take out their frustrations on each other.
But what is little known outside the realm of large OPEC nations is that Hamas, PA is the site of Edward Drake’s original oil well back in 1857 – the one that didn’t work. It was two years before he struck black gold near the small town of Titusville, thus making Western PA (at the time) the crude oil producing capital of the world.
Put into this context, it now looks like Hamas, PA would be the perfect historical location in which to continue the conflict between these staunchly opposed groups – the Sunni Arabs and the Iranian Shiite.
It is not clear exactly how Hamas, PA will be used, though it has been rumored that certain nuclear isotopes left over from the Kerry-Iranian talks might have something to do with it.
People around the Western PA town do not seem to be too concerned with the proxy war. Though the three local Harley Hog owners have pledged their support and help for which ever side pays mercenaries better. A local reporter caught up with the three Harley Hoodlums at the local watering hole. All three were mum on the subject, but one did add, “We know yinz are coming, so we been redin’ up the town in preparation. Even Jed’s been practicing lamb chops on the grill.”
Whether the proxy war leads to long and entangled conflict in Hamas, PA remains to be seen, but the local folk haven’t had this much excitement since last year’s Red Neck Winter Follies.
(Writer’s Note: In the event that the Fox News’ headline was referring to Hamas, the radical Palestinian group, and PA (the Palestinian Authority), rather than Hamas, Pennsylvania, then we apologize for the confusion. UPDATE: The residents of Hamas, PA have requested clarification from Fox News about the intent of their article, but they have yet to reply. Everyone remains at the water hole awaiting word.)