Best Quote Ever by an Author: “I’m handsome.”

The new philosophical wave for authors is about to catch fire: true vanity.

It all started in my wife’s 3rd grade classroom. Each student was tasked to write their own book, complete with an author’s biography and everything. One student, clever boy he is, decided that he couldn’t deny the truth in his biography. As he outlined his family and pets and the other mundane issues of his life, he decided that the truth of himself couldn’t be kept under wraps under longer, so he wrote the vivid truth in his biography: “I’m handsome.”

Perhaps if more authors embraced this reality and let the world know how remarkably good-looking they are, how could the general readership resist? I’m sure it would have to translate into more book sales. It’s time we, as authors, come clean and let the world know just how attractive we are. Now, if you find yourself on the other end of the good-looks spectrum, photoshop is a distinct option you should explore. After all, even Paris runway models use it, so authors shouldn’t be shy. They did, after all, hang out in Paris in the 1920s. There’s a historical claim there that even models can acknowledge.

If photoshop is  not an option, then go ahead and hire a model to stand in for you. We already hire editors and book cover designers, so we might as well look good in our mugshot on the back of the novel. It’s time to let the world know just how devastatingly handsome and beautiful we all are. After all, what would people do without books to read? They might as well have Greek-god-like sculptures to represent the people who gave them their hours of entertainment.

(Note: The 3rd grade boy who started this trend, it has been reported, later confessed to his teacher that when he presented his autobiography to the class, he might edit out the “handsome” part because he didn’t want to brag. Perhaps he’s on to something. There’s no need to let the world know just how beautiful authors are. This is one smart boy!)


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